ok. It seems I am experiencing a continuation of the no period/irregularity saga.
I went on Provera after I went two months without a cycle. I got AF (albeit a very short, light one) when I was supposed to after taking it and went on BCPs on CD5 as instructed by my RE.
A week and a half into the pack I started bleeding again. Then, during the last week when I was supposed to get a period…nothing. Now I am a week and a half into my second pack and I am bleeding again.
What. the. heck.
I called my RE’s office on Friday anyway to update them on our timeline and ask a few FET related questions, and I mentioned my irregular-ness. If I am going to have to book a flight for the trial transfer to occur between CD6 and 10 this needs to get straightened out. Maybe I need a higher dose BCP, but gosh I hope not because even these low dose pills make me CRAZY and give me headaches.
Is anyone else’s issues worse after baby? I wasn’t expecting to reset and miraculously not need treatment anymore, but I wasn’t expecting to get worse.
Preface: Some of you know this, but our FET plans have been in jeopardy recently because of financial reasons. I’ve been disappointed, but not devastated. I am certainly happy with our family as it is – it just has been looking like it could be a while before we could afford it (like ACTUALLY afford it without making debt issues worse) and I already feel “ready”.
I don’t love trying to make decisions with SO much emphasis on cost. 1 vs 2 embryos, birthday sharing, spacing…all these things I’ve felt like we have to compromise on what we originally planned to keep everything in one calendar year (but with infertility nothing really goes as originally planned I guess).
So anyway, yesterday Mr. R came home and was telling me more info about our HRA that he had been given. I have NEVER understood the difference between an HSA, HRA, FSA, and all those other three letter tax/health things (this probably makes me dumb…oops :/). The wording is always so confusing in the emails, and basically the only thing I took away from any of it was that I would have to load cash onto a debit card to use it, and then submit receipts…which sounded like more work.
Well, APPARENTLY we get a credit every year through our HRA that can go toward our deductible and out-of-pocket max. I remembered something like this when we first signed up, but I thought it was a one time thing. Back then it was $375 of basically free money for healthcare expenses (which I used) and I was under the impression it was a one time thing. After more research I found out that that number went up. And since we have Option 1 coverage (the most expensive) and now have a 3+ person plan it went up even more. And we haven’t used it since 2011.
if you don’t use it it rolls over to the next calendar year.
So I dug through our papers to find the debit card, called the number on the back and found out the balance.
And we get another 1k on January 1. That is $2,876.36 of free money to use on healthcare expenses.
This might actually happen. I’ve been on an adrenaline high all night and at the same time scared there is going to be a catch because it seems too good to be true.
Today the credit card that I am planning on putting out FET on came in the mail. We only need it to buy us time until our tax return comes in, and if Mr. R has a spectacular quarter maybe commission will be enough and we won’t even need it, but I’m glad we have it just in case it isn’t.
It’s not a very high limit – only enough to reach a little over our deductible. I was researching flights for my testing trip today and had another conversation with him about everything. Basically, he wants to wait to do the testing until January 1. I can’t say I disagree…it will be that much less to pay towards our deductible next year. This year it will basically just get thrown away when the new year starts. It’s money we won’t have to pay for maternity care and the birth so I agree with wanting to wait.
From my records last time it looks like I can do the trial transfer and SHG about 6 weeks minimum before the transfer, so that puts us in to February pretty much for sure. I’m going to call and see what would be the last possible minute, like if I could do it after starting Lupron to maximize my chances for a January transfer…but I’m pretty sure it will at least be February. I just really don’t want it to be pushed to march because of batches so we will see.
I raised my concerns about birthday-sharing again and he said having close birthdays might be fun…we can all just take a family trip to Disney for everyone’s birthday. You know – that could be really fun. I’m trying to look at the positives. If we are going to attempt to use all of our remaining frosties, this is only the beginning of making decisions based on money. And even though I had gotten my heart set on January, it’s only one more month….and I find my stress levels lower to think about saving even a little bit of money.
We also got ANOTHER pregnancy announcement today. This time from Mr. R’s younger sister. Unplanned, unwed….but I am happy for her. She’s 23 years old and up until now pretty much still a teenager, but she is great with kids and I think this is actually a good thing in her situation. Well, maybe not for her relationship (only time will tell there). I’ve never met her boyfriend- so I hope he’s a decent guy since he could potentially be the boys’ uncle someday.
I’m excited to meet this little one though and I know he/she will be beautiful
Not much going on over here. Just wanted to update that I have finished Provera and begun BCPs…and already forgot a day. I will be better about remembering though because soon I’m going to have to book a flight to go do my testing and I have to be on cd 6-10 so I need to be on top of it.
We are still moving forward with January, but I’ll be honest it is going to be tight financially. I’m starting to wonder if it would be better to wait til January to do the testing then do a February or March transfer to keep everything in one year. The testing will probably be $750 and then my deductible will restart January 1…
I don’t want to do it that way because then there is a very strong probability the due date would land right around the boys’ birthday (since this was our strategy last time and we had to wait a month after OHSS). They already have to share with each other and Daddy’s birthday is 3 days before theirs. Though I’m sure we will want to use this cost strategy again… So I don’t know how it would be avoided.
I guess we will see. If we hit a roadblock financially we will regroup but I’m hoping it all works out. Here are some recent snaps of my big boys
Last night our friends lost their identical twin baby boys. I think she was around 16 weeks.
I feel like a wretch for having a single jealous thought towards them. They loved those babies so much already and they really wanted boys. I have been reminded of this a lot today.
I want to give hugs to everyone of my friends who has suffered a loss. I am sorry if I haven’t been sensitive enough, or there for you enough. I know in the coming days there might be thoughts directed at us that say, “Why them and not me?”.
I have no idea why. I absolutely do not take offense to those thoughts by them or anyone else…in the future or the past. I don’t want this for anybody and I hate knowing that seeing our photos might contribute to someone’s pain.
I continue to cherish every moment – and you are all in my thoughts today.
Hormonal biatch mode has officially begun. I started Provera a few days ago and I honestly forgot about it until the day or so I have been extra cranky. Nothing too extreme, but just all of my negative feelings are amplified…which I hate!!! It’s nice to remember that its the drugs though and not necessarily just me. I usually don’t find myself engaging in a lot of negative mental talk and when I do it makes me feel like a crappy person.
The day I started pills my new friend asked me if I could watch her son for a little under two hours that day (after their babysitter bailed the night before when we had plans). She was trying to be super nice about it and offered to hang out earlier in the day…I could tell she felt weird but was kind of stuck and had to. Then her son ended up going over on his nap and it basically turned into a drop him off and run. When she came back she asked if I could do it again this week and she would come over earlier for real while I did something. I shrugged it off, but was kind of wary that whole day about what kind of friendship this would turn out to be.
The next day I remembered she had invited me to an evening coffee shop date with some people she knows. I was feeling kind of stubborn, wanting her to make the next “move” so to speak in our friendship to make sure I wasn’t being played – but that day was SO long and I just needed to get out of the house so I went. We ended up going to a bar/restaurant afterwards and talked for a long time which made me feel a lot better about the things that were bothering me.
Mostly we talked about my upcoming FET and she was genuinely interested and encouraging, though I knew she wouldn’t be able to ACTUALLY understand she was very understandING. She also mentioned that her period was all over the place because she is breastfeeding/weaning, but technically she was a little late and her husband was being dramatic thinking she was pregnant. She didn’t order a drink and I laughed a little thinking, “Oh isn’t that sweet. I remember how quickly it took me to stop not doing things I wanted because of a might or a maybe. Because it always turned out to be no.”
Well after a cryptic text from her husband to mine (they have sort of turned into drinking buddies too) I am pretty sure she IS pregnant (but of course no confirmation…because I am sure she wants to tell me in person which means I am left hanging).
I am not jealous of anything but her fertility…and really that is of little consequence to me anymore. I love my life, my babies, my husband. I am absolutely in LOVE with my story. But because I was already feeling a little used and I just spent so long talking to her about my infertility I feel really stupid. And it’s just amplified by hormone drugs.
Aah. I feel better. I needed to air that out. I might try to take the boys to a birthday party, but Mr. R is out of town for a funeral so I will be flying solo if I go :/ Need to get in the shower anyway. Heres a little something to brighten up your day and melt away any frustrations or raging hormones
I finally saw my Ob/Gyn today about the no period saga. Nothing too exciting, though it was the first time he had seen the boys since their birth and he seemed pretty amazed by how big they were.
He gave me some BCP samples and said that I either need to get on BCPs or provera/prometrium in the next week to jump start a cycle. I called the RE in Texas to ask what they wanted me to do and they called me in prometrium. Then on CD5 I will get on BCPs. I also had to schedule a fasting glucose test (again) and a yearly. I’ll do those next month. I guess he just wants to make sure I am still not insulin resistant?
He seemed a little surprised we were already contemplating another. I guess they are twins, but people have kids 2 years apart all the time. Anyway, it led to a discussion about future deliveries. He said while there isn’t a limit to the number of c-sections a person can have there is wise and un-wise…and it would be unwise to have more than 3. So basically if I want to try to use all of our embryos I should probably try for a VBAC. If I only want 1 more pregnancy (2 max) I could have a c-section.
I wish I knew how many babies 4 embryos will turn into – and at what number of kids we will be done. :/ I guess it wont matter if its twins again (oh Lord, please…just one next time).
I also was told by the RE nurse that I should come in for my trial transfer around November and we will have a sit down consult about everything too. I will start BCPs in December in anticipation of a January batch.
Gosh that is soon.
A few months ago I was ready right now, but now that it’s approaching I’m getting a little nervous. We’ve talked a bazillion times about timing and spacing, but I still feel a little waffly. Talking is one thing. Doing is another.
I was also told that each of our 4 remaining embryos are frozen in individual straws – so SETs are definitely an option. I was wondering about this because I know some clinics freeze two at a time (maybe thats for people with a ton of embryos? Not sure).
I would love it if there was some kind of financial incentive to do an eSET. With our age and high embryo quality – plus 100% success rate with embryos transferred so far – I know my doc will want to do an SET, it will keep his twin rate down. We just can’t afford to do two cycles in one year if it doesn’t work. If they could do the second cycle for half price or something if the first one didn’t work that would definitely make the decision making process easier. Or two SETs for the price of one 2-embryo transfer. But I’m 99.99999999% sure they don’t.
They should though.
Can someone please blog about that? The business side of infertility? I wonder what kind of profit margin doctors and pharm. companies are making off of infertiles…
This week’s recipes have a little more sodium than some of the previous ones. I was working more with what we had in the pantry, plus I’ve been wanting to add in some more flavor because I think they notice when things are bland (J does anyway…D will eat anything). They’re 10 months this week and its not like I went crazy, but if you are duplicating these and your baby is younger you can sub the soups for homemade stock, fresh tomatoes, or whatever flavoring you choose.
Turkey & Sweet Potato Gumbo
1 lb ground turkey
3 sweet potatoes
1 package frozen gumbo vegetable mix
1 can of low sodium tomato soup (sub Pomi or fresh tomatoes for even lower sodium)
Poke 10-15 holes in the potatoes with a fork. Microwave on high for 16 minutes. Brown the turkey in a sauté pan. Meanwhile, bring 1/2 cup of water to a boil in another sauté pan. Add the vegetables and half of the can of tomato soup (or other tomatoes) and cook for about 8 minutes (or according to package instructions). Combine all cooked ingredients and add cajun seasoning to taste and puree – adding water to reach desired consistency.
Broccoli Cheese Chicken w/ Rice
1 lb ground chicken
~2 cups cooked rice
1 package frozen broccoli
1 can cream of chicken soup (you can use the low sodium version or homemade stock or bullion if you prefer)
2-3 handfuls shredded mild cheddar
~ 1 cup milk (optional)
sour cream (optional)
Brown the chicken in a pan. Meanwhile cook rice and broccoli according to package instructions (I used some leftover rice from another meal). In a sauce pot over medium heat add the cream of chicken soup, cheese, milk, and a dollop of sour cream. (To create a thinner sauce add more milk. To create a thicker sauce add more cheese or sour cream.) Heat stirring frequently until the cheese is melted. Combine the chicken, rice, broccoli and cheese sauce and puree – adding water to reach desired consistency.
Today we had some new friends from church over for college football. Only guys showed up even though the plan was to have their wives and kids originally so I was a little disappointed since its so hard to make those connections for me, but I still had a good time having our first get-together in the new house. Two out of the three guys’ wives are expecting, and there is a 3rd couple due around the same time in this church class. I think they were all “surprises”.
Thats another thing I wanted to write about my new girlfriend. I really like her, we went out on a coffee date a few days ago. When the topic of conception came up I was an open book about our journey and she thought it was so amazing that we went through so much and grew stronger and also that we had plenty of alone time before babies came as a married couple. She had a shotgun wedding when she was 8 weeks and I think she would have liked to feel more in control so it was a very different story than her own. But she revealed to me that she and her husband didn’t actually have sex to conceive…I guess they were REALLY close, but there was no actual penetration (bleck I hate that word!).
Mr. R doesn’t believe it. I am planning to ask for more detail when we are a bit closer because I too find it INSANE, but the way she told me…I believe her.
Of course I would befriend someone who basically had an immaculate conception (well not exactly IMMACULATE, but still). Apparently we’ve all been doing it wrong!!! Seriously though, I hope our fertility differences don’t affect our friendship because that is seriously hard to relate to – for both sides.
I feel like I had this exact same conundrum in Texas. But there I eventually did find a friend who also was dealing with IF and we donated our leftover meds to them. Their baby boy is 5 months old :). As much as I like the people I have met it would be nice to meet one person who understands going through infertility. But even if I don’t we have so much else in common. Including beautiful baby boys and that is the main thing!
Still no period. Though tonight during a bath I had a bit of colostrum come out when I pressed on my chest. Maybe my prolactin level has spiked? I’m not even sure if that happens… especially 10 months pp and 8 months after weaning. I had lingering colostrum for a while but it seemed to be gone since my period returned at 5 months pp. I’m not sure though because I don’t make a habit of pressing and trying to get anything out, precisely because I don’t want my prolactin levels to be high. I guess this warrants a trip to the doctor?
Anyway I hope everyone is doing well. The boys are great – crawling all over the place and cutting all kinds of teeth. I hesitate to post much about them sometimes because I already feel like I over share photo-wise on F.acebook for family and there I at least have privacy settings. I’m sure I’m just being paranoid, but I’ve got to do whats best for them!